26/07/10 - Kerry Katona Has 'Online Mental Breakdown'

Let's start with today's front page, which claims that Kerry Katona has 'cracked up'.

What does the phrase 'cracks up' mean to you? A nervous breakdown? An episode which has ended up with the person seeking professional mental help? Or someone posting jokes on Facebook? If the latter, you may be the Daily Star's target audience.

The story starts -

LOVE-SPLIT babe Kerry Katona has sparked fears for her mental health after going into online meltdown.

She launched into an astonishing cyber-rant as she struggled to deal with the break-up of her latest relationship.

She posted 14 erratic messages on her Facebook page in just 24 hours after the end of her fling with painter and decorator Adam Waldron, 33.

Yep, 14 posts in 24 hours on Facebook is 'cracking up'. But some detail -

The 29-year-old revealed her intense nightmares, started spouting psycho-babble, cracked crude jokes and admitted she is already dreaming of a new man.

And in one astonishing message she appeared to be listening to her breakfast cereal talking to her.

Intense nightmares, psycho babble and listening to breakfast cereal? Sounds slightly unhealthy. Ooh, and she admitted she is dreaming of a new man as well! Yet as we find out -

And as the end of her relationship with white van man Adam sank in she joked: “Think it gonna be one of them days, my rice krispies just said, S**t, F**k & B*****ks.”

Hmm, sounds like a joke that. You know, on the advert where it says the cereal goes snap, crackle and pop? And the mother encourages her little son/daughter to listen to it? Apparently they are all cracking up as well.

The new man though, there has to be proof she is dreaming of a new man!

She tried to laugh off her pain by joking: “Time to get some sleep. Let’s see if I can dream up a hunky guy.”

That's right. She is literally 'dreaming' of a new guy as in, while she is asleep she is hoping to dream of a guy. As far as my understanding goes, you can not have a relationship with someone in your dreams. Not a meaningful one anyway.

Kerry eventually resorted to therapy-style speak to try and snap herself out of her dark mood.

She wrote: “Wake up and greet the day and make a promise to yourself it’s going to be a good day and no one will change it no matter what happens.”

This is not really 'therapy speak'. Anyone who has Facebook will have seen these little pick me up messages. There is really not much to read into this. But the Star has roped in an unnamed source who confirms this all as 'worrying' and that her 'followers were left terrified'. So there we have it. Kerry Katona has cracked up because she posted jokes on Facebook yesterday. This is front page news.